I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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