Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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