Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we should paint friendship bongs
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