Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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