burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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