Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
