that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
