honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
