I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
