My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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