Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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