So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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