I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize