I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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