yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You pole danced in your parka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
