If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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