so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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