it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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