she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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