I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
