Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
