So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
