Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pants are for mortals
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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