oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
