I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
