The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
