You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
