how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
