I'm really into asian looking animals
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize