You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
