it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
