Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
