Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
