loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
