Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
