I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize