please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize