Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize