I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
