question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
