I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i love accidental penises.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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