he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
