I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
