I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize