so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
