I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
