That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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