i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
