This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
