I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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