I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
