I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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