dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think brook has ever known best
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
