if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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