i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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