Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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