Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
