someone threw a dead crab at me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
