You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
