I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
