there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
