Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
