it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You are a genius and a whore.
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