She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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