It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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