youre lurking in front of me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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