Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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