I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
