i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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