It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
