I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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