she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
