so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
