had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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