I think i peed on brittanys purse
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
