walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
