In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
