Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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