I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
