haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
