Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
