hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
