Non-Jews are for practice
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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