We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
