i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
