i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have already put on my inside pants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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