when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
