i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
