Please, let me fuck your mom
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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