I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
