There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
