i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
