I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
