Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
