Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
