TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My breath smells like gin and sadness
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize