1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
