i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
