Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
