Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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