my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
