it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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