so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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