She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
