Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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