I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
even my farts smell like vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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