Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
