White coat. Heels.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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