You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
